Happy Monday! For those of you looking for a little inspiration to start out your week, you’ve got to read this inspiring graduation speech. Here’s a little excerpt:

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

Truth is, I’m a sucker for a good motivational speech; one that grabs me and briefly changes my perspective on the world. Spring is here. Graduation season is upon us. Seems like the perfect time to do some reflection and start anew. I hope you enjoy this speech as much as I did.

If there is one lesson that Tait and I seem to learn over and over again, it’s to place value on Time. Just as you would on Money. And as we head into the weekend where time seems to fly (and money jumps out of our wallets pretty quickly), thought it was a good reminder for all of us.

Do you want to spend time mowing your grass or do you want to pay someone $50 a month to do it and save that time to be with your kids. Do you want to take a $50 taxi to a restaurant and buy yourself an extra 20 minutes that you would have spent looking for parking, to have another cocktail with a dear friend. Do you splurge on a sitter to come every Thursday night so that you can have time with your husband or wife. Alone. Time vs. Money.

This is not just an important lesson in our personal lives. It’s a critical lesson in business that we see too many people forgetting to acknowledge. Do you want to take the time to package up your submissions to send in for possible publication or can an intern do that for you? Do you want to do your own books or is it worth it to hire someone to help, allowing you to spend that time doing something to make yourself more money? Do you employ a babysitter to watch your kids for a few hours a day, even though it’s cheaper to do it yourself, so that you can start your business, make your money, think of ways to grow that money you’ve already made.

Place value on your time people. Your time is everything. Placing value on your time will allow you to make more money, to plan better and smarter, to fulfill yourself personally and in business. Place value on your time. You are worth it, I promise.

Welcome to the New Internet

Does the web look a little different today? Perhaps you noticed that Google, Wikipedia, reddit, and several other sites are all trying to get you to put down your mouse, pick up your phone and call your congressmen and express your opposition to some strange bill called SOPA. So what is SOPA? Normally I’d provide you with a Wikipedia link to a well written article describing exactly what SOPA is, but if you’re reading this on 01/18/2012 that link wouldn’t work. Wikipedia is blacked out right now in an attempt to get your attention and show you what very well might happen to them if this bill passes.

What am I talking about? Mashable explains the most far reaching aspect of SOPA:

Any site that allows users to post content is “primarily designed for the purpose of offering services in a manner that enables copyright violation.” The site doesn’t have to be clearly designed for the purpose of copyright violation; it only has to provide functionality that can be used to enable copyright violation.

Mashable goes on to explain what happens to sites accused of violating SOPA. Discussing  section 103(b) Mashable states:

Payment providers (section (b)(1)) and ad networks ((b)(2)) are required, upon receiving a claim against a site by a copyright holder (section (4)(A)(i)), to cut off all services to the accused site within five days, unless they receive a counter-notification from the operator of the accused site. Note that there is no requirement that the accused be notified of said accusation, and thus, they would have no opportunity to provide a counter-notice.

In other words, if a copyright holder files a claim alleging Wikipedia, one of the world’s largest collections of user generated content, somewhere… on one of it’s millions of pages… is infringing on their copyright — any payment providers or ad networks that work with Wikipedia will no longer be allowed to serve it.  No notice or due process need be provided to Wikipedia.

SOPA and the Wedding Industry

SOPA’s impact and support in the wedding industry always intrigued me because I felt that it had a chance to divide two large vendor groups:  photographers and cinematographers. Photographers might be tempted to support SOPA. After all, it’s going to give them more power to defend their copyrighted works. Cinematographers might be a little more leery about supporting  a bill whose  main sponsor, the RIAA, might be empowered to sue them for damages if they use unauthorized  copyrighted songs in the wedding videos they produce and post online.

I’ve always figured that photographers simply capturing still images of a couple’s big day were immune to copyright infringement claims but I can’t say that I know for sure. I do know that SMP has received more than one very threatening letter from attorney’s of stationers telling us that we’d better pull a photograph from our web site b/c the DIY’d invitation featured in the photograph looks just like the copyrighted work of their client. Whether these letters are straight posturing or legit legal threats I have no idea. If they are the former , then photographers who chose to post their work on their website have plenty to worry about too.

Of course Style Me Pretty would never knowingly feature a DIY replica of a stationer’s work. A simple email gets this type of content removed from SMP faster than you can reload your web browser. While cease and desist letters are overkill and make me – and other SMPers – very stressed out, I’m happy to live in a world where notification must precede any punishment brought against us. SOPA, would change all that. No warning. No due process. For SMP and other sites that make our livings online this is one of the scariest part of this legislation.

If you have a few minutes today, read up on the proposed legislation called SOPA. There are lots of great online articles out there weighing the pros and the cons. But on January 18, you’ll have to resort to someone other than Wikipedia as a reference. They are taking a stand against SOPA.  For if SOPA passes, Wikipedia and much of the internet as we know it, will look a whole lot different.

What are your thoughts on SOPA?  We’d love to hear from you.

Wow, I can’t believe how long it’s been since we wrote on backstage.  I’m a little embarrassed for us.

The Eiffel Tower at dawn.  Photography by Tristan Nitot

There’s an interesting discussion happening recently on the web.  It’s especially relevant given the recent developments with SOPA and PROTECT-IP.  Take a look at the following articles.

• This Photograph Is Not Free – hackernews discussion
• This Photograph Is Free – hackernews discsussion

I thought this little debate was relevant to our industry.  Wedding Photographers grant SMP and other blogs use of their photographs in hopes that the exposure they get will bring them new clients.  Even today, almost 5 years after the launch of Style Me Pretty, I still sense a little uneasiness about this practice by photographers.

If there are any photographers or photo copyright holders out there we’d love to hear from you.  Has sharing your photographs on blogs helped your business?  Have you had any experiences where another person has taken your photograph and tried to pass it off as their own? Do you feel that letting the world enjoy your art for free is fair?  Leave a comment below and let us know.

One of the things that drives me most mad about running an online business, is the speed at which false information can find its way around the web. On the flip side, one of the best things about running an online business is the speed at which true information can find its way around the web. We experience both each and every day…constantly bumping into things that are simply not true about our brand, and luckily also reading things that are true and positive and support our brand. We try really hard to celebrate the good and learn from the bad…something that is hard to do but that has proven time and time again to only make us better at what we do.

So today, I figured I could tackle some of those tough questions that I’ve seen around the web that are sometimes true, sometimes not so much. I could actually write a novel about each and every one but that would be quite boring so I’ve tried to keep my thoughts short and sweet. Sort of.

1. Why do we ONLY feature weddings from vendors that pay us?

Quick Answer: We don’t.

Long Answer: All paid editorial content is clearly marked with a bar at the bottom of the post that says “Sponsored Post.” The members in our vendor directory are gifted an entirely separate blog called the Little Black Book Blog. All weddings or posts on The Little Black Book Blog feature vendors that are a part of our vendor directory.

There is not a single post on the main page of our site (stylemepretty.com) or on our local blogs that has been paid for by an advertiser that is not clearly marked as such. Real wedding content is 100% unpaid, accepted by our editorial staff without bias. If a wedding is beautiful and we feel that it will resonate with our readers, it is slated for publication. Whether or not the vendor is a LBB member.

Some people say that because we choose to feature vendors that have paid to be a part of our Little Black Book, we are indeed putting up paid content. Although I don’t agree with that reasoning because a wedding is never selected because a vendor is part of our book, I suppose I can see where that comes from. But let me just say this. When we are looking at a wedding it is ONLY checked for Little Black Book members if it is not slated for publication on the main page and we want to see if there is a book member so that we can publish it on our Little Black Book blog. Being in the book is never, ever, never, ever a reason for accepting a wedding for publication on the main page of our blog or on our local blogs. And as a quick side note regarding the LBB blog, we don’t guarantee coverage to our vendors there either. The LBB blog is also curated for the most beautiful weddings we can find and ALL vendors, whether or not they are in the book, are always credited and linked to.

To illustrate that further, here is a breakdown of our posts over the last 60 days:

• Number of real wedding blog posts written in the last 60 days (Aug. 24 – Oct. 24): 136
• Number of times a wedding on the main page of SMP featured at least ONE Little Black Book member? 55% or 75 weddings out of 136 posts
• Number of times a wedding on the main page of SMP was titled (meaning submitted by and noted in our post title) for a Little Black Book member? 36% or 49 weddings out of 136
• Number of weddings featured on the main page that did NOT feature at least one Little Black Book member in any of the credits? 45%

2. Why do you feature photography that doesn’t reflect the highest standards of photography? Namely, why do you feature vintage or washed out images?

We are not a photography blog, we are not a floral blog, we are not a DIY blog. We are a wedding blog pure and simple and we feature weddings that we love and know our readers will love. Although we value beautiful photography in a huge (read: HUGE) way, we try not to overlook the work that another vendor has done even if the photography isn’t perfect. This is one of those topics that can and will be discussed at length very soon. It has many angles and many stances and if the photography forums are any indication of the disconnect that is going on between photographers and bloggers right now, it’s one that will take a while to tend to.

There are many issues when it comes to the level of photography. Giving the other vendors a chance to be featured despite the fact that the photographs might not be perfect, allowing photographers who are still learning to be a part of the site, things like that. But here’s a bit more food for thought…

My understanding is that a really knowledgeable, skilled, experienced photographer is also at the higher end of price points. Which means that either the bride put a weighted portion of her wedding budget on the photographer OR the entire wedding will be high end. When we show too many high end weddings, we get a TON of push back and frustrations from brides who want ideas for moderate to budget weddings. So how do we reconcile this? Are there amazing photographers who have set their price points to a more budget crowd? The goal on SMP is to show a lot of different styles and budgets so this is something that I am having a hard time wrapping my head around.

And I would LOVE your feedback.

3. Why do you favor some photographers over others?

I can see why you might think that, as we have been working with particular photographers from the very beginning and their work is very much a part of Style Me Pretty. The process with these photographers is easy because they knows the style of weddings that we gravitate towards, we know that our readers respond based on comments, shares, links and likes and they know to package everything up in one swift submission to make the “yes” and “published” that much faster. There are quite a few photographers that value publication and that make it a part of their work flow to submit, even if their submissions are declined here and there. Those are the photographers that have the best chance of being featured on SMP

4. Why do you think it’s okay to decline my weddings submission then turn around and ask me to be a part of your vendor directory? Or on the flip side, how can you accept my real wedding for publication and then decline my application to your vendor directory.

Let’s tackle the first question. We decline about 90% of all weddings. It’s a nauseating amount and we often decline weddings where the photographs are gorgeous but the style isn’t right for our readership. It’s quite common actually. Remember that we’ve blogged more than 6,000 real weddings over the course of 4 years. We see the comments come in, the traffic go up and down, the facebook likes, the favoriting, the sharing. We KNOW what our readers respond to and what they don’t. So you have to trust that as editors so intimately involved with our content, we are declining weddings that we really don’t think will resonate. That doesn’t mean we are declining vendors. We’ve declined weddings from top notch photographers, we’ve declined weddings from world renowned designers and florist. We know they are crazy, crazy talented and yet the particular wedding that they chose to submit, wasn’t going to work with our readership. We believe in the vendors that are a part of our book and just because we haven’t found the right wedding of theirs to publish, doesn’t mean that we don’t think their work is wonderful.

As for the second part of the question, this is a bit trickier. We accept submissions because we see a detail or a moment or a style that we know our readers will love. The vendors involve deserve the publication and we then know to make it a point to get to know this vendor even better. Sometimes we find that the vendor is very early on in their career and hasn’t really had time to develop a portfolio or relationships with peers, two things that we really care about when asking someone to be a part of the book. But we know that we want to keep our eye on that vendor and over time, our hope is to add them to the book when we feel like we can put our name behind them.

5. Why don’t I see much diversity on SMP?

Short Answer: We’re working on it, I promise!

Long-ish Answer: We WANT brides of all different colors and styles, cultures and sizes. Though because we simply don’t have enough manpower to scour all photography blogs right now, we are  at the mercy of our submissions box. We have put out content calls and we always have our eyes peeled for brides that bring a fresh look to SMP. Diversity on SMP is important to us and believe me when I tell you, we are working on it. Our challenge is time. We need to find time, amidst the hundreds of weekly submissions that we get, to go back to our roots and scout out weddings. Weddings that allow the REAL modern bride to shine. So trust me when I tell you that we are indeed working on bringing more diversity and interest to the pages of SMP.

6. What is the traffic for your site?

Last 30 Days Unique Visitors (through Nov 3) - 1,024,477

Last 30 Days Pageviews (through Nov 3) – 13,318,244

5. Your content is starting to all look the same. Why does every post have a mason jar in it?

Well, with all do respect, you aren’t reading all of our content. I will be the first to admit that we post a lot of outdoor, DIY, garden style weddings. Many of which have mason jars. But we also post modern weddings, classic weddings and many other different styles. The bottom line is that we post A LOT of weddings. On the main page, we feature at least 3, usually 4-5, every day of the week. The Little Black Book blog gets 1-2 per day. The local blogs get 1 per day. So there is a lot of content going up and if you really look at each wedding, they are unique and beautiful in their own right.

Oh and just for fun, guess the percentage of weddings that featured a mason jar in the last 60 days? 33%…is that more or less than you thought?

So there you have it. I’ll try to tackle questions like these more regularly here on backstage because we really do want to be transparent with our readers and the vendors that are a part of SMP. And everyone else for that matter.

For naysayers and critics, I only ask one thing…spend some time really reading our blog. Look closely at the photographs, READ the stories that the brides provide, find the love tucked into each and every detail.  Every person that is a part of the SMP team genuininly strives to make our site a better place every single day and although we have misteps, just like anyone else, we always try to find the joy in what we do and bring it back to what’s important. The brides. The weddings. The love.

There has been a lot of engaging around the web lately about a couple different frustrations that some members of the wedding community have over the importance of “details” documented by blogs. One, the focus should be on the vows. Two, blogs are beginning to look all the same because they only focus on the details. I want to make sure we are addressing both issues that are colliding into one here.

Here is an anonymous letter that Hindsight Bride posted last week. And here is a beautifully written piece by Jonas Peterson. One that definitely made me stop and think, as I too have been up all night the last few weeks trying to figure out if there is a disconnect between what blogs are doing and what our audience wants. More specifically, what the wedding community wants.

And yet I haven’t responded or commented on any of the blogs. After all, Style Me Pretty embraces all those details that are becoming the trigger for so many frustrations. Those mason jars, those bales of hale, those picture perfect garden details. And when someone asks me if I ever tire of weddings, the answer is always the same… no, I don’t. Because amidst those details that may seem redundant to certain people, I see something else.

I see that bride, much like myself, who sat with her mom and her sister sifting through every last jar they have collected from garage sales and thrift stores. Tying every last bow on the program that their guests will read. Finding quilts and typewriters, fabric for photo booths, milk glass for flowers.

For so many, the planning part of the wedding, the DIY, the collecting, the crafting, the imagining, the designing… is just as meaningful as the wedding itself. More than 6 years after I got married, I still have not thrown another party. My wedding was my party. It was time that I got to spend with my mom and my soon-to-be-husband, it was time that I spent with my best friends and my grandmother. That year that I spent scouring ebay for a million different champagne saucers gave me such a giddy sense of anticipation and made the day, that will forever be the best day of my life, that much more special. And seeing my husband standing at the altar was far and away the highlight. As it is for so many brides who spend hours and hours filling mason jars with candles and fresh from the garden flowers. The two are not mutually exclusive.

The thing is, we’ve been staring at details for years. But we aren’t the ones getting married. Brides are. Brides read our blogs. Brides who haven’t been poring over mason jars for the last three years. They are new and seeing things for the first time. Sometimes, they look at blogs like mine and get totally overwhelmed. Other times, they look at blogs like mine and get so totally excited. They see girls in dresses and they imagine being that girl in that dress. They see mason jars or mercury glass lining tables and they want to be the one sitting at that table, kissing the boy they love.

I won’t say that it isn’t about the “stuff.” It is in part. When it comes to SMP, we have been writing about the stuff from day one. Not much in terms of content has really changed over the last four years. I think the main difference is that where there were only a couple of wedding blogs four years ago, there are now hundreds so the “stuff” feels that much more overwhelming. But, just like you want to design a home that makes you happy, a wedding should be a beautiful moment where you get to design a day that reflects you and the one you love. Which may or may not include stuff. But let that be up to the bride and as a wedding community, we shouldn’t make her feel guilty for buying mason jars in bulk.

I’ve read all of the words out there and this response is by far the most well written and the most impactful. Jonas, you are a beautiful photographer and you have a talent for capturing the emotion that is rare and special. When you scroll down the pages of Style Me Pretty, you see a lot of detail. But you also see so much emotion. So much love. Just today, I looked at a bride wiping a tear with her napkin, a kiss that would almost make you look away, a boy looking at his new wife, a group of bridesmaids so excited to watch their friend walk down the aisle. And I saw mason jars and peonies and bird cage veils. It’s all there and it all can come together to represent the same thing.

I want to say more on this because I think there are numerous issues going on here. I don’t think it’s simply about showing too many details or seeing too many mason jars. It’s bigger than that and I understand. I just need the time to really think about how I feel and between Halloween costumes for my daughter and my little boy with the croup, I haven’t had enough time to really thoughtfully put my words together… But for SMP, the bottom line is this… we can do better at showing the pure love that should always be the focus of a wedding. We can always do better. We do get caught up in the details because as girls that thrive on design, that is what gets us excited. But on that same note, we should also give brides and grooms permission to go all out with mason jars and hay bales and vintage typewriters if that’s what they want. Whether they create a wedding that is two people and two beautiful vows or they create a wedding that is two people, two beautiful vows and peonies, table linens, candles and every other detail in between… it’s their day. We are there to capture it, to write about it, and to inspire other brides who are planning a wedding of their very own.

As I’m sure anyone in the blogging business can attest, you tend to log a lot of hours behind your computer. Since we all work remotely here at SMP, it’s sometimes a little hard to tear ourselves away from our laptops. But every now and then the stars align and we get to put on something besides our yoga pants and do a little socializing.

On Tuesday night, Crema Cafe, one of my fave Harvard Square establishments (which also happens to be down the street from my hard-to-leave-home-office) was throwing a bash to celebrate the launch of their new dessert tables and catering business. Now I don’t know about you, but when you’re almost 6 months pregnant and your fave neighborhood bakery/coffee shop invites you to a party with the word cake in the invitation, You. Go.

Besides dreaming about macaroons and mini croissants, my little adventure down the street also had me marveling at what a great business, the owners, Liza and Marley have created. It was a real treat to see them add a new (and might I add ridiculously tasty) aspect to their already fabulous Cambridge cafe.

As SMP grows, we’re always thinking about what’s next. I’m sure you’ve heard but we have our first print magazine in the works. But since we’re spread out all over the country (and we’re a blog) we tend to do our marketing digitally. Sure, every now and then we get to break out the bubbly and toast some SMP success, but a lot of our big news and latest projects are celebrated and announced via the web. It obviously depends on the type of business you have, but what do you do when you have something big you want to tell your community? How do you celebrate your latest achievements?? And yes, you can say eat cupcakes.

A big thank you to the fabulous ladies at Crema Cafe for your sweet treats. Congrats on your newest adventure.

We’re featured on the new Flowdock customer testimonials page. We’ve been Flockdock fans since it came out in beta several months ago. Style Me Pretty’s entire workforce is essentially remote. Flowdock provides us with a meeting place that also allows us to monitor our brand around the web and on our site.

I’ve heard a few people complain about the cost of Flowdock. While you can find cheaper alternatives out there our experience is that Flowdock is a little more fluid, a littler easier than other, similar services. When you get down to it, saving your employees time is much more important than saving a few dollars a month. Of course, we use other communication tools too. Gmail and Google Chat work great for one on one messaging but they can’t compete with Flowdock for company wide discussions, status reports, issues and many many other little things.

Anybody tried Flowdock?  Does anybody else have other comp

Greetings, backstagers!

Our awesome LBB team, which presently consists of 3 full time Research Colleagues, is expanding! We are seeking a highly motivated team-player who loves talking to wedding vendors on the phone! Having a sales background is a plus!

Our book is by invitation only. Our talented team of colleagues screen Little Black Book applicants via informal phone interviews and contact all vendors on our approved invitation list via email and phone. Other responsibilities include providing excellent customer care to our members,  maintaining accurate records, taking detailed notes, quoting rate packages with accuracy, managing region files, attending team phone conferences, maintaining quality control standards, and generally representing Style Me Pretty’s topnotch brand!

This is a Virtual Contractor, commission-only position, which requires approximately 35 hours per week during business hours M-F.  We provide a complete paid training program (via phone conference) prior to the expected start date of September 1, 2011.

If you have a winning personality, are articulate and a fast-learner, please send a brief cover letter and a resume no later than August 1, 2011 to:

michelle@stylemepretty.com

Title your email: Virtual Contractor Position

Thanks! We look forward to considering you for a position on our team!

Michelle Blandford, LBB Research Director

From the sidelines, I’ve watched Abby build this SMP business every step of the way. As one of her most devoted readers, her biggest fans, the loudest cheerleader … I’ve experienced the highest of highs and lowest of lows right along with her. And while all moms dream that their children will be successful, they most of all hope and pray for their child’s happiness as well.  Building a business ~ from the ground up is certainly not for the feint of heart. Style Me Pretty is no exception.

Today, I thought I’d share a little of my own BACKSTAGE advice ~ from a mother’s point of view! I’ll warn you, up front, there’s nothing new here. Just some reminders from the sidelines …

10. TURN YOUR WOUNDS INTO WISDOM (by Oprah Winfrey)
I wish I could say that’s my advice, but it’s from Oprah. I’m a huge Oprah fan. When I read this, it jumped off the page at me because so many of Abby’s biggest challenges, have ended up as her greatest sources of wisdom. Everyone learns from their mistakes and Abby aka, SMP, is no different.

If one of your ideas doesn’t work out … don’t beat yourself up, don’t dwell on it. Chalk it up to a learning experience and move on.

9. DO YOUR DUE DILIGENCE
Abby repeatedly says not to be afraid to take a chance. I agree. Her dad agrees. I’m sure many of you agree. But from the sidelines, taking huge risks makes a mom a nervous wreck! So please, please, please do your due diligence. Yes, risks are often key to great success … but weigh the options thoroughly.

Being described as impulsive is not always a compliment.

8. CREATE A NETWORK or ‘step outside your comfort zone’
When everyone else in her senior class was visiting local universities, Abby was touring out of state options. I encouraged her to step outside her comfort zone … and she did! The day we left her at Vanderbilt, I cried for 13 straight hours on the way back to Houston. It was a decision that was really tough on all of us, but the network of friends that she developed along the way was A M A Z I N G. I realize she would have done that even if she’d stayed closer to home. A huge part of her business success, however, comes from the vast network of friends she has developed through the years and the gumption to pick up the phone and call someone she’s never met with poise and spunk.

7. BUILD A TEAM
A one man show might be the only way to go in the beginning … it may be your only option. But, as cliché as it may sound, “no man is an island”. (Can you tell I’m big on other people’s quotes?) As soon as you can, consider finding a way to factor in some help. In Abby’s case, she hit the jackpot. She just happened to marry Tait (!) and TOGETHER they have built SMP into a website more than worthy of it’s praise.

Your ‘teammate(s)’ ~ whether they are family or not, formally in business with you or not, will challenge you, will push you, will embrace your success and lend you their shoulders. If you’re on your own, FIND a group of peers that can accomplish this same thing. Your own ideas, bouncing around in your own head, need a venue to vent.

Caution: If your team is your family, they’ll probably want to talk business when you’re all talked out. As Abby has said on BACKSTAGE before, even if there are no set hours in your business … try to establish some for the sake of your relationships. Being a husband and wife team is HARD. Tait and Abby struggle to keep work and family apart. (Maybe they should write a BACKSTAGE article on how to accomplish that! I know for a FACT that I could not work with my own husband.) I worry about them. (I’m a mom. It’s my job!) But, so far, so good.

6. TAKE A BREAK
Probably one of the biggest mistakes Abby has ever made is not distancing herself from SMP even for a few days. It’s old school, but every good manager knows that if they build their team correctly, they can be gone for a few days and things will run seamlessly … because they spent precious time training and recruiting.

As any of you seasoned self-employed gurus knows, burnout is a HUGE problem. Burnout applies to everyone … but when the business is YOUR baby, it seems way worse. Force yourself to put your laptops or your cameras or your phones (yikes!) away ~ where you can’t get to them even if you want to!

STYLE ME PRETTY is on Abby’s couch, at her kitchen table, on her bed. She can’t shut it out of her mind, but sometimes, she must close her Mac.

Force yourself to get away from “it” to regroup and recharge.

5. KEEP AN OPEN MIND
Remember … it REALLY DOESN’T have to be your idea to be a good idea! This is just one other reason networking is so vital. Ask, explore, and LISTEN. Asking for advice is so often the kick-start to a really great idea. But if you’re asking just to be polite, don’t bother.

I have to laugh about this piece of ‘advice’ though. One of Abby’s father’s biggest complaints with his girls is that they ask for his advice and then they don’t take it! Well, he and I don’t agree on this one. I think it’s perfectly fine to ask for advice and then make you own decision. (So sorry Bill!) As I’ve already mentioned, though, don’t ask for advice if you don’t want to hear the answer.

Then, give credit where credit is due. Recognize (out loud) that you are a part of a team and that the business wouldn’t survive without the concerted efforts of all. Yes, you might be the mastermind and yes, you might be the boss, but (back to #7) no successful brand is due to the efforts of one person. Sounds preachy, but when you ask for input? LISTEN.

4. LET IT GO
Let me tell you a secret about Abby. When she was a teenager, she was the best! But … she WAS a teenager. We had our moments. And we definitely didn’t practice the don’t go to bed mad thing. I’m pretty sure, with teenagers, that’s impossible (or at least for me it is). The next day, though, she’d be totally over whatever it was that we were disagreeing about to the point of sometimes, not even remembering why we got mad at each other in the first place. When I’d re-confront her about it, she’d say, “Oh that … sorry … you’re right!” She had the most wonderful way of moving on … of letting whatever it was go!

I’ve never had that trait. I take a hold of something and shake it and shake it and shake it. I’m not really sure how she learned to let go of a fight, but she did. I just think that unless it’s life or death, we should all learn to just ‘let it go’ more often than we do.

3. BE WILLING TO TAKE THE BLAME
Even if it’s not even remotely your fault. I have to say that this is only an observation on my part, but I’ve noticed that when someone fusses at Abby over an error (inadvertently printed) on Style Me Pretty, she just bites the inside of her cheek and apologizes profusely. Even when the source of the original information was wrong. Even when the tone of the ‘complainer’ was unnecessarily harsh. She just grits her teeth and says she’s sorry and fixes it. (I do think that this might have started, way back when, I told her to just listen to her Dad when she messed up, nod her head, agree with him, and apologize:)

Of course there are exceptions to this one. The point is, I’ve seen her, time and time again, apologize and fix ~ rather than belabor the point.

2. HOLD YOUR TONGUE (OR EMAIL)
This is probably an extension of #3. Everyone has bad days. Everyone shoots out that semi-nasty email that they later wish they could take back. Since SO much of our communication is via email, be sure you don’t let your temper flare in the body of one! Wait until you’ve calmed down ~ especially if the matter isn’t all that urgent. The fact that you don’t send an immediate response is a clue in and of itself that you’re not happy. If they have a conscience, they’ll get it. If they don’t, your angry response won’t help anyway! And ~ insensitive people don’t usually know that they’re insensitive.

1. BE NICE BE NICE BE NICE BE NICE
When Abby has said she’s had a BAD day, it’s almost exclusively because someone (or several someone’s) have been ugly. She even stopped writing BACKSTAGE because of some rude and nasty comments. No amount of begging would get her to start it up again until recently. But, she DID wait until she was over the hurt. She DID hold her tongue. And she DID turn her wounds into wisdom.

My daughter amazes me in just how NICE she can be in her replies to mean-spirited people. I’d like to think that she gets this attribute from me. Ha! The point is … whether you’re an up and comer or a well established icon, don’t let your clients or your peers see you lose your temper. Bite your cheek, close your computer, walk away, but above and beyond all … BE NICE.

In the end, NICE WINS.

Now THAT sounds like something a mother would say!

Style Me Pretty revolves around a world of REALLY great people. Abby and Tait (and Michelle!) have pretty much made that a prerequisite! We’d LOVE to hear some other words of wisdom from you (or your mother)!