- 01.21.10
- Filed Under: Business, Home Life
- 10 Comments
So, as some of you know, Thursdays are my day off with Audrey. Which means that I am usually a total mess, scrambling around, bombing out the house, trying to squeeze in emails in between Elmo and Spongebob. Or in this morning’s case, Beverly Hills Chihuahua (I know, I am a terrible mother). So, rather than fight it and try to come up with a brilliant Backstage post, I thought I’d just let Thursdays here be all about Audrey. Because let’s face it…being a mom and running a business all out of the same small condo is perhaps my greatest challenge.
So I was chatting with my dear friend Jill yesterday, who also owns her own company and is the proud mommy to Quinn, an adorable 7 month old little boy. She said that two weeks ago, she decided to put herself on a very strict schedule. Quinn wakes up at 4:30 (bless her) so she has her sitter come at 5:30. She goes for a quick, 1 hour workout, comes home and gets ready for the day. From 7AM until 2:30, she is all business with hours devoted to individual tasks. So email for an hour, then calls for an hour, then budgeting for an hour, etc. At 2:30, she shuts the computer down and is all about being a mom. Total and complete attention focused on Quinn. No phone calls, no emails, no nothing. She said that it’s working brilliantly and that I should definitely try it.
If I was more organized, I would probably do it. But, being someone that isn’t that great at schedules, it seems like too much of a challenge. So, I am wondering how you guys deal with the juggle. The balance of mommyhood (or daddyhood) and running a business. I think that I speak for all of us when I say that if it’s working…we’d love to steal your ideas.
I get a lot of my work done late at night after the kids are in bed. When Catie was a baby, and Andrew was a toddler, I tried to schedule myself, and I just couldn’t seem to be consistant…too many fires popping up in the middle of my day. I eventually gave into the fact that I am not a person that can have the same routine every day. When my kids were small, I worked best in small time segments. 30 minutes of work, the lunch with kids, and maybe I would be lucky in and one of them would nap long enough for me to answer some emails. I did prioritze my to do list so that if I was derailed during the day, the most important things on the list got done. I also went through a period of time when I was really too focused on work. I had a studio away from my home, and was taking on a LOT of work to cover the expenses of seperating my work life and mommy life. Eventually, I ended up moving my office back home because I was missing too much of my kids lives. I felt disconnected. Just know that however you make it though the day right now, the older she gets the easier working will get, and this time is short. My advise is to take each day as it comes and just prioritize. At the end of the day, no one will spontaniously combust if all of the emails are not answered. Being a working mom with a toddler is by far the hardest job EVER.
I love that you have an Audrey! My Audrey is 18 months old tomorrow…I also have Addie 4 1/2 & Ella 6 1/2. I did the whole working thing up until 3 years ago when we moved & I just never found another job. I completely understand the dilemmas you face on a daily basis…when I was at work I felt like I needed to be at home, when I was at home I felt like I needed to be working, there was never a good balance. Staying home full-time isn’t any easier…I could write a book on both. I wish I could give you the best advice ever, but I’m a work in progress! Good luck….P.S. your blog has inspired me to look into a whole new line of work…Thank You!
Oh, Abby. This is such a huge challenge for me, too. With three boys ages 11, 9 and 4, every day brings something new. Although having an active toddler is definitely a challenging phase, as the kids get older they go out and get lives of their own that still require your involvement–like soccer practice, and swim team and homework, so time management becomes even more of an issue as they get older. Like you, I am not great at adhering to schedules, but I’ve found that even a loose one is better than nothing. Routine is maybe a better word for what works for me–I just try to stick to the same routine/list of tasks every morning and after school and if I do that, things go pretty smoothly. Even if the order in which the tasks get done varies from day to day, as long as it’s all done by 9 am we’re on track. But not being great at sticking with schedules, I’ve found that it helps me and the kids if I keep a printed list of chores/tasks posted in the kitchen. I laminated ours and it really keeps me on track and limits quibbling over who’s supposed to be doing what. When my older two were your daughter’s age, I actually had one for myself that outlined my “chores”. It helped me stay focused and now some of those tasks have become routine enough to be habitual. On the work front, I will say that I am more productive when I segment my time as your friend Jill does, because trying to do everything on the fly seems to result in nothing ever being fully done–which drives me nutty. I am not great at it, and probably never will be, but I do try, and even trying a bit helps. And Jenifer above is right–nothing will spontaneously combust if e-mails aren’t answered immediately. Your daughter’s needs will expand in so many ways as she gets older and will almost demand that you put work on the back burner at certain times of the day, so some of the “scheduling” will eventually be forced upon you, and before you know it, you’ll have some semblance of a schedule!
I have a 5yo and 4yo and I ask myself this same question at least once a week. As with most things, everyone has to find their own solution tailored to their specific needs and desires. I have dedicated work time Mon-Thur, 9:30am-12:30pm while my youngest is at preschool. When 12:30pm rolls around I MAKE myself turn off my computer and become solely focused on my role as mom. If I try to do work and kids at the same time it stresses me and I don’t think it’s fair to my kids. When they head upstairs at 7:30pm for bedtime routine with dad my work day starts again. I think the idea of balance is a myth. There’s always sacrifice and for me it’s sleep. Honestly, I wouldn’t change a thing!
All so true. Especially the part about sacrifice. I got lucky today…2.5 hour nap and still counting!!
I have not read what others said here, and I know I’m a day late but I hope you’ll read! I work outside the home so my situation is a bit different, but I think any working mother feels this tug that you described. The answer of what works for one wont’ necessarily work for someone else! For me, I make sure that there are several hours in the day where my iPhone becomes a do not check zone – it’s all about the kids. That time is from 4:30-7:00 pm – dinner, bath, story, bedtime. It’s all about creating boundaries for others and quite frankly for yourself. Email can wait a few hours. I’m just upfront with those I work with and for that during this time I am pretty much out of pocket and if there is an urgent need, to just call me.
As for scheduling, that works for me. I am a big lover of schedules and routines. But I know many moms who want to scream at just the mention of the word “schedule.” I think if you look at your day, though, you probably have a natural rhythm that has developed. You just have to follow what works for your family and you personally and go with it. No shoulda, coulda, wioulda. Trying to fit your life into someone else’s idea of what works is like trying to wear a lovely shoe that is two sizes too small – you might be able to make it work a bit, but it’s just not going to fit, no matter how hard you try.
I think it’s normal to feel that as mothers we are somehow failing our kids. It seems like all of us struggle with *something* – whether it’s too much time away from the kids, too many demands on our time, not enough time for us as ourselves (vs. us as mommy). Our struggles may be different, but everyone has them.
At the end of the day, if your child is happy, healthy and loves her mommy (which Audrey clearly is!), you’re doing a bang up job as a mother.
this is a bit long and rambly and as you can see by the time it is 5:20 on a Saturday here on the East Coast. My day starts at 5:00 every day!
Abby — she is tooooo adorable! Love her big blue eyes. (I am hoping my Madison’s stay blue like my hubbys!)
Okay, I totally hear ya on the mom/work/life balance topic. I was reading some of your posts and laughing out loud because you sound like me on my days without my nanny (Wednesdays). I am slowly adding the nanny in an extra day here and there because (luckily) I have been way to busy. But sometimes I have to remind myself to try to take a break and enjoy every baby moment because it really does go by way too fast!!! Enjoy and embrace it. You are doing an amazing job!!
LOVE the honesty and the reality of Backstage! My business partner and I both have little ones, and we struggle everyday with being comfortable and confident that we’re doing the right thing, and headed in the right direction for our respective families.
I’ve tried a variety of creative work schedules so that I could afford to spend a little time each week at home with my daughter (who’s 3 1/2). For me, consistency has revealed itself as one of my best allies. I’ve found that having more days that are like the one before brings better balance to my life, and my family. Every family is different, however, and what works for some may not work for others.
And… when push comes to shove, I challenge myself to consider “would I be okay if my daughter grows up to be like me?” Of course, I want her to be her own person, and she will be. But every day, I’m setting an example, an expectation for what a wife, a mother, and a professional should be.
Good luck ladies!
Abby, I often feel the pull and requisite guilt of running my business and being a mom to two lovely boys. When I started the business, I was working out of my home and the younger one was still at home, so I did much of my work during naps and at night. But the best thing I did for my stress level was to get an office outside of home. this took all the envelopes, computer, paper, ribbon, glue off of my dining room table and I was able to leave work at work. As you know being an invitation designer means meeting a lot of clients, so I felt the business, to grow, and to be more professional necessitated an outside office.
So, that was the most helpful thing for me. Turning off at night, watching dumb tv instead of designing. Being able to cook dinners and not check emails, etc. (However, it’s sunday morning, and I’m typing this! so i’m never truly off)
It gets so much easier once they start a true school schedule. When the boys are in school, I work, then, there’s the flexibility to be off work when they have that unexpected half day or holiday I’ve overlooked to put on my calendar.
It’s really hard, but getting a sitter, getting out for field trips and fun appointments, scheduling play dates for your days home keeps it from getting monotonous.
good luck!
Sarah
Abby & all, thanks so much for sharing these stories from your day! I’m a new mom & new business owner myself (both 6 mos old!) and definitely feel the push-and-pull myself. Whenever I get off schedule (or feel without a schedule at all!), I’m always reminded of the quote from The Little Prince, “Only children know what they are looking for.” With both motherhood and business, I’m growing into welcoming the unexpected. When I stop looking, everything falls just right into place. Best wishes to all!